


Things I'd Never Say

by BehindTheRobinsMask



Series: Keeping Up With The Graysons [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Confessions, Face-Fucking, First Kiss, First Time, Heartbreak, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Reconciliation, Victim Blaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 21:56:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19118464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BehindTheRobinsMask/pseuds/BehindTheRobinsMask
Summary: After realizing his feelings for the Grayson twins, Jason has a choice to make. Meanwhile, Dick has a secret that he's too scared to share with anyone.





	Things I'd Never Say

**Author's Note:**

> Song: I Can't Breathe by Bea Miller

Jason’s eyes flickered to the road that led to Wayne Manor, hoping to catch a glimpse of a black and blue motorbike among all the fancy cars pulling into the driveway. Unfortunately, the one he was waiting for never showed up. Turning his attention to the moon and the glimmering stars, pretending that he wasn’t disappointed, Jason resisted the urge to pull out his phone and text Dick again. Ever since the older man had gotten engaged to his girlfriend, the beautiful alien princess Koriand’r, he had been so busy that he barely had time to reply to a simple ‘I miss you’.

Dick was engaged. God, he was engaged and Jason didn’t know what to do because he was hopelessly in love with someone who would never see him in the same way.

“Ya know, if I took a shot every time you sighed, I would probably die of alcohol poisoning.”

Glancing over his shoulder, Jason found Ric leaning against the doorway, for the first time dressed in a proper three-piece suit with his hair pulled back and a champagne flute in hand. He looked charming and ready to seduce anyone who crossed his path with one smile.

“Did you lose a bet or something?” Jason asked, eyeing the older from head to toe.

“Awww, baby brat. You can say I look good. No need to hide your real feelings behind hostility,” Ric cooed as he stood beside Jason, his usual smirk on his lips.

Rolling his eyes, Jason shook his head as he pushed the older man away, not in the mood to engage with him. At the moment, he was too busy holding together his heart that was on the verge of breaking.

As if knowing the thoughts that were passing through Jason’s mind, Ric nudged his shoulder to get his attention. “Not drinking?” he asked, holding up his champagne flute and the younger shook his head.

“Nah, I don’t really feel like it,” he answered, eyes full of sadness, the kind that Ric understood all too well.

Swallowing the bitter taste that filled his mouth, Ric told himself that he just wanted to tease Jason but a part of him was sure that he was just trying to hurt himself. “You know, Dickie isn’t here. He won’t ever know,” he pointed out, nails digging into his palm as pink colored Jason’s cheeks, eyes widening with surprise, the kind of face only a love-struck fool would make.

“It’s not like that!” he exclaimed, voice thinning into a whine and Ric wanted nothing more than to take Jason into his arms.

He had wanted to do that for years, to kiss his lips and whisper praises into his ears, let the world know that Jason was his and he was Jason’s. But he never dared to take the step, cross the line that turned him into something more than family because the one in Jason’s heart wasn’t him.

“You know,” Jason started, nostalgia in his eyes as the sweetest smile spread across his face. “When I attended my first party at the manor, I had been so freaking nervous but then Dick showed up and we spent most of our time hiding under a table and stealing food until Alfred found us.”

It was a simple memory but one that made Jason happy and Ric wondered how different things would have been if he had accepted his replacement from the start. If he had found Jason before Dick, would the younger have loved him instead?

“You really do love Dick, don’t you?” The words slipped from Ric’s lips before he could stop himself, his hopes that one day he would be noticed crushed to nothing.

Somehow, through the teasing and the laughter, without even realizing it, Ric had fallen for Jason, wanting to do stupid things like take him out on dates and hold his hand. It wasn’t like him to want someone so bad, to need their presence in his life. But here he was, desperate for their eyes to meet, desperate for a touch that was intentional.

But Jason loved Dick and who could blame him? Who didn’t want to be loved by Dick Grayson?

“Ric?” Jason called out, snapping the older out of his thoughts.

Shoulders slumped and head hanging low, eyes full of pain, Jason had never seen Ric like this. He looked so broken, so ready to burst into tears that all the younger wanted to do was hug him tight.

“I should go,” Ric whispered, raking his fingers through his hair and shooting Jason a weak smile. Then he was turning on his feet, ready to walk away.

Instinctively, Jason’s hand shot out, wrapping around Ric’ s wrist to stop him, even though he didn’t have much to say. _Don’t go_ his heart pleaded. _Let me help you._ His mind offered. “But I love you too,” his lips whispered.

Body stiff, Ric slowly turned around, his eyes watery as they stared into Jason’s green ones. “Say that again,” he whispered, his voice so uncharacteristically low.

And even though he never thought he’d say the words even once, Jason found was repeating himself, more confident than he ever expected. “I love you.”

In a blur, Ric was pushing him against the banister, rough hands gently cupping his face as their lips touched, parted and tasted each other. It was everything Jason had imagined and more, every second their bodies were pressed together seeming like a dream.

Pulling back, Ric leaned his head against Jason’s, staring into the younger’s eyes as they both caught their breath. “Come home with me,” he whispered.

Jason nodded. “Okay,” he breathed, before leaning in because he needed more than one kiss.

   
  


Jason leaned back, his eyes fluttering shut as fingers grazed over his chest, kisses pressed against his abs, a tongue flickering out to lick his skin, making shudders pass through his body. Occasionally, Ric would glance up at him with his trademark smile, hands going lower and lower.

Always a dream and never reality, he was used to waking up alone in his bed but every time his eyes opened, he found himself in Ric's room, still unsure if he wasn't imagining everything.

Sitting up straight, Ric bit down on his lower lip as his finger circled the button of Jason's pant, hooded eyes looking up for permission.

"I… I'm not sure about this," Jason stuttered, his heart hammering in his chest so fast. God, he wanted this. He had wanted this for so long but everything about this situation felt wrong. Something important was missing.

"It's okay to feel," Ric whispered, leaning forward to the kiss the younger, licking into his mouth until he was moaning. "It's okay." He dragged his tongue over Jason's earlobe, feeling the way his body trembled.

Pulling back so they were eye to eye, Ric let his hand slide down to the edge of Jason's pants. "Do you want me?" he asked, voice low and tempting.

"Fuck yeah," Jason answered before he could stop himself, his mind filled with nothing but Ric, feeling nothing but Ric.

Button popped and pant pulled down, Ric smiled as his fingers wrapped around Jason's hard and leaking cock, so big and in need of attention that he almost cooed. "I want you in my mouth," he whispered into Jason's ear while stroking his cock lazily. "Can I?"

Releasing a broken breath, eyes screwed shut, Jason nodded and without a second to waste, Ric was between his legs, staring up at his cock. "So beautiful," he hummed before licking the tip.

"So good," he added before swallowing Jason's cock in one go.

"Fuck!" Jason cried out, his fingers fisting into Ric's hair who moaned with approval, sucking and bobbing his head. He hollowed out his cheeks, used more spit and was as messy as he could be, eyes looking at Jason to take in his reaction, to see what he liked and what made him cry out with pleasure.

"I want you," Ric started, pulling back but still taking some time to lick every bit of precome Jason's cock had to offer. "I want you to fuck my mouth." He finished rubbing the tip against his cheek. "You want that, Jay? You want to fuck my mouth?"

Unable to stop himself, self-control breaking, Jason's tugged sharply at Ric's hair, making him gasp and the moment the older's mouth fell open, he pushed in. Humming, Ric slowly eased open his throat so Jason could go deeper and deeper, wanting to taste nothing but his cock.

Snapping his hips, Jason quickly set a pleasurable pace, Ric's hums and moans pushing him closer to the edge. "I'm gonna cum," he groaned, warning the older but the fingers around his hips just tightened, keeping him in place.

Pulling back slightly so he could swallow without gagging, Ric looked up and the moment their eyes met, Jason was coming, shooting thick ropes down the older's throat. Pleased, Ric's eyes fluttered shut and he swallowed, working Jason through his orgasm until his cock was soft and had nothing left to give.

Brushing back Ric’s hair that clung to his skin, drenched in sweat, Jason had just leaned down to place a kiss on his lips when a gasp cut through the moment, making the younger straighten his back. Eyes red and swollen, skin pale and bruised, on the other side of the door, Dick stood staring at his brother and Jason with disbelief. He looked tired and haunted.  

He looked broken.

“I…” he started, eyes flickering from Ric to Jason. “I didn’t know you two were… I’m so sorry. I’ll leave you be.” He smiled weakly before stepping back.

Alarm bells rang in his mind, fingers itching to reach out for the older because something was wrong about the way Dick smiled, strained and forced. A new set of tears sprang in the older’s eyes, taking in a shaky breath as he pushed back his hair, the engagement ring he wore with pride now missing.

“Dick, are you okay?” Ric asked, pulling away from Jason, fingers searching for his shirt.

But the answer never came. Without another glance in their direction, Dick was gone, escaping through the window and flying away. Quickly, Jason and Ric adjusted their clothes and followed but no matter where they looked, there was no sign of Dick Grayson or Nightwing.

 

  
_"You're the one who slept with both of them!"_

Curling into himself, Dick covered his ears as if he could block out the voice playing out in his head, escape the burden of his mistakes just for a little while. He wondered how long it would be before he became numb to the pain ripping his heart apart, start from scratch every time he made an attempt to stitch his pieces back together. With every inhale, breathing seemed to get harder, air filling his lungs only to suffocate him further, punishing him for the mistakes that he had made.

What could he do to make the laughter stop, to forget the way her hands touched his skin and the feeling of her lips pressed against his?

_"So who was better?"_

Pantha’s mocking voice echoed in the room, Kor’i’s eyes full of hate and judgment following him in his dreams. For someone who only sang praises for the woman he loved, for someone who was determined to have a future with her, Dick had been so blind. Trained by the world’s greatest detective and he’d still stumbled into a trap that should have been obvious from the start.

Maybe if he had loved Kor’i more, maybe if he had truly cared for her, he would have known that the woman who lay in his bed wasn’t his fiancé. Maybe if he had been more careful, if he hadn’t unknowingly provoked Mirage somehow, none of this would have happened.

_“If it weren’t meant to be, seems to me you should have sensed the difference.”_

A knock on the door cut through the voices in his head and Dick quickly wiped away his tears, putting on his best smile as Clark peeked inside.

"You okay?" The older man asked and Dick nodded.

"I'm fine. I just needed a little rest," he lied. After losing his team and Kor'i, Dick couldn't bear to lose someone else.  "Thanks again for letting me crash here. I just… I needed to get away."

"You know my door is always open for you and your brother." Clark smiled, his eyes crinkling behind his glasses. "You're family."

A sob escaped Dick's lips at those words because he missed home. He missed Ric and Jason but he couldn't go back to them. Not when the very idea of someone touching him made him want to break down. Not when he was so afraid that if they knew the truth, they would hate him as much as Kor'i did.

"Dick, what's wrong?" Clark asked, stepping into the room.

Pushing down his feelings, Dick hurriedly shook his head, holding his hand to keep the older man away. "I'm okay," he whispered, trying to put his faith behind those words. "I'm okay," he repeated but deep down he knew he wasn't.

Sighing, Clark took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes as he sat down on the bed, keeping a distance between himself and Dick. "You know Ric and Jason have been calling every day, asking about you?" he asked and Dick bit down on his lower lip, hating that he had made them worry. "I don't know what's going on and I won't pry but I do think you should talk to someone. If not me, then at least, to your brother. You know he won't ever judge you and he'll always understand. He'll always care. So will Jason for that matter."

"Jason won't. He'll hate me," Dick whispered because while Ric might be willing to look past his many faults and accept him, why would Jason?

"No. He won't." Clark snorted. "That kid thinks the world of you. He loves you."

Flashes of Jason and Ric flashed through Dick's mind and he smiled sadly as he shook his head. "He loves Ric." He corrected but Clark wasn't buying it.

"He might love Ric but he loves you too, maybe more."

Getting to his feet, the vigilante put on his glasses and looked at Dick sternly. "Talk to someone." With that he was flying out of the apartment, ready to patrol Metropolis.

Chewing on his lips, Dick fell on the bed, thinking of everything Clark had said to him. That night, Cardinal and Robin got a call from Superman, informing them where Nightwing was. Dropping whatever they were doing, they went to Metropolis to bring Dick home.

 

  
As the door swung open, Ric surged in, fast on his feet and wrapped Dick in his arms, inhaling his brother’s scent to assure himself that he was really there. “Don’t you ever disappear like that again,” he growled, burying his face into the crook of Dick’s neck only to realize that the older had frozen.

For some reason, the Dick Grayson who thrived on touch seemed shaken by it.

“What’s wrong?” Ric asked pulling back, taking in Dick’s pale face.

“There’s something you need to know,” the older man said, taking in a deep breath as his eyes flickered to Jason who was standing by the doorway, hesitant to enter.

Since the day Dick had runaway, simply disappearing into thin air, Jason had been out of his mind with worry. While Bruce had told him that Nightwing was alright and just needed a break from everything, those words hadn’t been enough. How could they when all Jason could see was Dick’s heartbroken face every time he closed his eyes? All he wanted for the past week was to know if Dick was okay. All he wanted was to hold him close and feel his warmth.

Now, here Dick was, standing right in front of him and somehow there was this strange distance between them. All Jason had to do was reach out his hand but guilt held him back, guilt for not knowing that Dick had been hurting, guilt for being with Ric. There was no reason for him to feel this way. After all, they weren’t dating and even so, all Jason wanted to do was go down on his knees and apologize.

“I can come back,” he offered, understanding that Dick and Ric probably wanted privacy. They were family while Jason was just an outsider.

A small smile on his lips, one that didn’t reach his eyes, Dick held out his hand towards Jason. “I’d feel better if you stayed,” he whispered and Jason was sure that the older man could read his mind. Tentatively, he took the hand held out for him, feeling like he’d entered a new phase of his life. He had been accepted.

Once everyone was sitting, with his fingers laced together, Dick took a deep breath and then another, trying to find the words to explain his situation while holding down the tears that prickled the back of his eyes. “Before I start,” he said, looking at the two men before him. “You have to promise me that you won’t hurt anyone.”

 “Dick, what--” Ric started but he was cut off with a shake of Dick’s head.

“Promise me!” he urged.

Exchanging a look, reluctantly, Ric and Jason nodded.

“I promise,” Jason said.

“I promise I won’t physically hurt anyone.” Ric found a loophole.

Exasperated, Dick rubbed his eyes knowing that there was no point in fighting with his brother over this. Once Ric had made up his mind, he couldn’t be swayed. He just hoped that by the end of this, he would have the strength to stop Ric before he did something stupid.

“Okay,” he whispered, knowing that there was no point in stalling.

Slowly, he told them about Mirage and her deception, steady voice shaking as he repeated the words his teammates had spoken, Kor’i’s anger and how disgusted he felt with himself. He had ruined the one good thing in his life and as he found himself out of words, Dick waited for Ric and Jason to lash out at him, to echo Pantha’s emotions but they never did.

“Dick,” Jason called out. “Dick, look at me,” he whispered until the older man met his eyes. “What Mirage did, it wasn’t your fault.”

“I should have known,” Dick countered, convinced that if he wanted, he could have found a way to stop this disaster from ever happening.

Reaching out to hold Dick, Jason stopped midway and took in a deep breath. “Can I hold you?” he asked first and when the older nodded, he surged forward and wrapped Dick in his arms. “Mirage came to you in the form of someone you loved deeply. She manipulated you. What happened to you was not your fault, Dickie. It could never be your fault and anyone who thinks otherwise is a shit human being.”

“But Jay--”

“No. No buts Dickie. It wasn’t your fault,” Jason whispered, staring into those baby blue eyes that were always supposed to be alight with happiness.

From the moment the truth had come out, Dick had been mocked and ridiculed, hated by the people he called friends for something he couldn’t control. He was their leader so he should have been smarter. He loved Kor’i so he should have known better. He was a man so how could a woman take advantage of him? Buried under accusations he didn’t know how to deny, Dick himself started believing that he was the one at fault. He was the one who had done wrong and not once had anyone told him otherwise.

_It’s not your fault._

Those words had been so simple but they echoed louder than the insults that had been thrown his way, strong enough to push back his self-hate for just a little while. And maybe Dick didn’t believe them just yet. Maybe it would take him years to come to his own conclusions about the situation he was facing but for now, those few words were enough to give him some hope. Fingers curling into Jason’s shirt, for the first time since the incident, Dick didn’t feel alone.  

Through this whole discussion, Ric had been silent. Lips pressed into a thin line, eyes devoid of emotion he stared at his brother, the man who had always been stronger than him but now so broken. Rage bubbled inside of him and while on most days, he would learn to let his anger fade with work out, tonight, he knew he had to do things differently.

Pushing himself to his feet, Ric nodded at Jason who with one look understood what the older was about to do and made no attempts to stop him. “I’ll be back,” he announced and Dick’s head whipped up, staring at him wide-eyed.

“Where are you going?” he asked, worried and Ric just smiled.

“Don’t worry, big brother. I promised I won’t do any physical damage.”

With a wave and a wink, he let himself fall through the window, one destination in mind:  Titans Tower.

  
  
The next day, Dick's phone was spammed with calls and messages from his friends at the Titans, apologizing for everything they had said, begging for another chance. There was anger in his heart because of how fast they had judged him, how easily they found it within themselves to degrade him. But there was a sense of understanding as well because this was the result of the society that they all had lived in, one thriving on ignorance. They wanted to do better and that had to count for something.

 After all the long conversations, forgiveness and laughter, there was one person that never reached out to Dick: Kor'i. Her choice was a clear indication that everything between them was over and for some reason, it didn't hurt. Even though he'd lost the woman that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, Dick was alright.

  


Jason was panicking.

This was the first time in weeks that Dick and Ric were visiting the manor, finally free enough for movie night.

After everything that had happened, Dick had left the Titans, wanting to be his own hero. Him and Ric discussed possibilities, fought like children and finally settled on Bludhaven, Gotham's uglier twin. Obviously, after everything that had happened, there was no way that Ric was going to leave his brother alone so together, they departed and even though Blud was a mere half hour away from Gotham, Jason couldn’t help but feel lonely.   
  
Despite how empty the manor felt without the presence of the twins, Jason tried his best to be happy for them. After all, ever since Dick had started working as a police officer in the Bludhaven Police Department, he smiled more, slowly going back to the person he used to be. Accepting everything that had happened, losing Kor’i and his fall out with the Titans had been a difficult but Dick was better now and Ric had been there for his brother through every step of the way.

Unlike his older brother, Ric had picked up a job as a simple cab driver, having no resolve to fight crime 24/7. With enough free time on his hands, he always managed to ring Jason to catch up on everything and even though he would never admit it, the younger knew that Ric missed him. They talked, they laughed, they teased one another but they never spoke of that night. Some things were better left unsaid.  

There were days when Jason wondered if Ric would ever consider putting a label on what they were, if he’d ever want more than just a night. But it was better not to say a thing. Rejection was easier to handle than ruining whatever relationship he did have with Ric.

Frustrated, Jason plopped down on the couch, eyes closed and head thrown back.

"I gotta say, Little Wing, I've seen you look like that more times than I want to," Dick said, voice teasing and Jason's cheeks burned red as he immediately crossed his legs.

Out of everything, he wasn't expecting jokes about that night.

Giggling to himself, Dick sat down on the couch next to Jason and pulled him in for a hug. "I missed you, Little Wing," he whispered and Jason couldn't help but hum happily, wanting to lose himself in the older's warmth.

But just as their touch lingered for more than a few seconds, Dick abruptly pulled away, smiling sadly as he looked down at Jason. "It's a shame I can't do this more often from now on," he whispered and the younger stared at him confused.

He opened his mouth to ask Dick what he meant when Ric walked in, a blanket thrown over his shoulder and a bowl of popcorn in his hands. "Are we ready for movie night?" he asked, taking his place on the other side of Jason and draping part of the blanket on the younger's shoulder. "Get in, Dickie," he added, glancing at his brother who didn't move from his place.

"Oh I couldn't do that," Dick whispered, getting to his feet. "You two love birds don't need the third wheel sticking to you all through the movie."

_You don't need me._

The words were left unspoken but Ric and Jason could hear them loud and clear. They watched dumbfounded as Dick tried his best to smile. "I'm going to get another blanket for me," he said and Jason didn't have the words to stop him. He didn't have the words to heal him.

All he could do was sit and stare at the place where the older once sat, emptiness clawing a hole into his heart. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be. The three of them were a team, a family so what was he to do when Dick decided to pull away?

"This just isn't right, is it?" Ric suddenly asked, his voice soft and broken like the night of the gala.

Jason could tell him that things would be alright. With time, their bond would heal but with the words sitting on the tip of his tongue, he knew they were a lie. Everything was changing and it would keep changing as their horizons expanded, as more people entered their lives. Dick would fall in love eventually, find someone who could give him everything he could ever need. There was someone out there who would tame Ric’s wild heart, give him the freedom he needed. And in all of this, Jason would be the one left behind.

He was in love. He had always been in love. He just never realized that by wanting both, being so greedy, he’d be the one left alone.

**Author's Note:**

> While there is no rape/non-con taking place in the fic itself, I decided to add the warning just in case.  
> I honestly feel like DC handles issues of assault especially when it comes to men too lightly. It's a serious thing and should never be passed off as a joke. Dick himself has been a victim on multiple occasions and DC's reluctance to address these issues bothers me so much? Anyway, this is my idea of a fix it fic (sort of a fix it fic). Hope you guys liked it.


End file.
